I hate looking back at pictures from 8th grade. It just makes me so sad because so much has changed since then. I’m not as close with any of the people I used to be close with, I weigh more now, and I’m not as happy. I had no cares back then and I wish I took advantage of feeling truly happy and content with myself and my life.

I want to fall in love.

im sad because im trying to rebuild old friendships but it’s not working

I hope when you see me you feel the same amount of pain that I do. It still hurts to see you. I haven’t thought about you for a while until now. It’s weird knowing what I thought of our relationship was completely different than what you thought of it. You were horny. I was dumb. Plain and simple. I’m still mad at myself for wasting so much time on you. Over a year. For what? To be fucking cheated on. Sometimes I miss you, and then I remember what you did to me. You made me feel pain that no one else has ever made me feel before. I was at one of my lowest points in my life during our “thing” and I’m glad that it’s over. In the end, you proved to me how much I actually meant to you:nothing.

I wish my coaches saw how hard I’ve been trying to lose weight. The main reason I want to be 100 lbs. is because I want to be a main flyer next year.

I just don’t care for food as much as I used to.

Existing not living

“Isabelle has no coping skills she doesn’t know how to compromise or understand anything”

The fact that Janel and Tayler both talked to me made me feel so much better. I’m really happy that I’ve been hanging out with them lately

i want to talk to someone right now preferably a boy but no one cares about me so ill just cry

I’m going to have no friends next year. Veronica is transferring. Christy is transferring. Janel will be with Cassie. I’ll be with no one.

If my family gets mad at me one more time for my eating habits I will actually shoot them.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. These thoughts will go away don’t do anything you’ll regret stop crying keep yourself together Isabelle stop it you’re better than this

I literally am NEVER anyones first choice and I’m crying so hard because I knew this situation would turn out this way and no boys that I like ever like me back. I used to be so happy and I realized it was because I had no boys in my life but I still felt so lonely. I just want to be someones first choice so I can stop crying myself to sleep every single fucking night and stop lying to myself, saying that I’m happy, when I know that I’m not. It pains me to type this because I actually believed I was happy and now I realized all of this shit and I realized how I really am and peoples opinions of me and now I can’t control my emotions. Literally everyone leaves me. I can’t even have a relationship for longer than a month because people can’t put up with me. I ruin all of my friendships and make new ones, but then I miss the old friendships I had. I keep analyzing myself, thinking what the fuck is wrong with me? What is so terrible about me that can cause no one to care about me? And from time to time I realize small things and try to change them but people still don’t like me! When I say “people don’t like me” I don’t mean it like “I have no friends” or “Guys don’t like me” because I do have friends and guys do sort of like me. But my relationships never last! And guys don’t necessarily like me, they just want to hook up with me. I have no idea where this post is going, but I can’t hold any of my feelings in any longer. I feel like today has been a huge realization for me and of course, if I actually talk to someone about this, they’ll tell me that my thoughts aren’t true, but I know they are! I just wish I wasn’t so hard to love. I wish I wasn’t so stubborn and mean and stuck-up. I wish I could go back in time and fix all of the mistakes I made. But most of all, I wish I could be a better person. I have tried to change countless times, but it never works! I always fall back into old habits. I guess I should face the fact that nobody will ever like me.

UGH I FUCKING HATE BOYS